Yesterday I wrote about finding balance, and in doing this I landed on a definition of my calling. As many of you know, I've been participating in Tara Mohr's class "Playing Big." I was actually given the class when I commented to a blog about why I identify with the feeling of wanting to "play big" in my life -- and how I struggle with what exactly that means, even though I've had the feeling of being called to do something bigger my entire life. So, in my type-a-oldest-child-driven-career-woman kind of a way, I put a ton of pressure on myself to figure this out N.O.W.
Not only that, but I've sort of relived all of my past "failures" to step up into a bigger creative life and buried myself under that process. So I am here to pick myself up and dust myself off and say I'm still here, and I'm still plugging away.
Last night we saw "This is 40." I turned 40 in July, and talk about adding that to the pressure I've put on myself. I mean, we all have it figured out by the time we turn 40, right? In this story, even Oprah agrees that you're pretty much supposed to "get it" by then:
At her magazine’s annual conference, she (Oprah) said she would like to attract women “in their 30s or perhaps their 20s, to be able to reach people when they are looking to fulfill their destiny.” She added, “By the time you’re 40, 42, you should have kind of figured it out already.”
Really, Oprah? I am actually shocked at her use of the word "should" let alone the fact that she's just insulted every woman over age 42 who is still growing, changing and evolving. And I am not an Oprah-basher. I am an Oprah-lifer, one of her biggest fans. But, this honestly gives me huge pause. It highlights the very reason she's losing her relevancy today. If you can show me a 43 year old woman who is even halfway self-enlightened and aware who is ready to hang up her soul-searching shoes just because she's in her 40s then I would send her to the Oprah network to tell her story.
So, inspite of Oprah, I am taking off the pressure. And instead I am focusing on the obvious. I've been working on this task -- of defining my creative self -- for 40-and-a-half years now. And it is never going to stop. But, I must enjoy the process, since I love talking about it, writing about it, and sharing it with others. I love injecting my creative juices wherever I can. I love helping people come up with ideas and solutions and connecting with other creative women. So, I am calling it all good. I am here and I am creating. And I am striving for balance. Are you?