Making life a little more interesting, fun & beautiful...

Yesterday I wrote about finding balance, and in doing this I landed on a definition of my calling. As many of you know, I've been participating in Tara Mohr's class "Playing Big." I was actually given the class when I commented to a blog about why I identify with the feeling of wanting to "play big" in my life -- and how I struggle with what exactly that  means, even though I've had the feeling of being called to do something bigger my entire life. So, in my type-a-oldest-child-driven-career-woman kind of a way, I put a ton of pressure on myself to figure this out N.O.W.

Not only that, but I've sort of relived all of my past "failures" to step up into a bigger creative life and buried myself under that process. So I am here to pick myself up and dust myself off and say I'm still here, and I'm still plugging away.

Last night we saw "This is 40." I turned 40 in July, and talk about adding that to the pressure I've put on myself. I mean, we all have it figured out by the time we turn 40, right? In this story, even Oprah agrees that you're pretty much supposed to "get it" by then:

At her magazine’s annual conference, she (Oprah) said she would like to attract women “in their 30s or perhaps their 20s, to be able to reach people when they are looking to fulfill their destiny.” She added, “By the time you’re 40, 42, you should have kind of figured it out already.”

WOAH!

Really, Oprah? I am actually shocked at her use of the word "should" let alone the fact that she's just insulted every woman over age 42 who is still growing, changing and evolving. And I am not an Oprah-basher. I am an Oprah-lifer, one of her biggest fans. But, this honestly gives me huge pause. It highlights the very reason she's losing her relevancy today. If you can show me a 43 year old woman who is even halfway self-enlightened and aware who is ready to hang up her soul-searching shoes just because she's in her 40s then I would send her to the Oprah network to tell her story.

So, inspite of Oprah, I am taking off the pressure. And instead I am focusing on the obvious. I've been working on this task -- of defining my creative self -- for 40-and-a-half years now. And it is never going to stop. But, I must enjoy the process, since I love talking about it, writing about it, and sharing it with others. I love injecting my creative juices wherever I can. I love helping people come up with ideas and solutions and connecting with other creative women. So, I am calling it all good. I am here and I am creating. And I am striving for balance. Are you?

The "term dark ages" means way way back when there were darkrooms.

It's no big secret, I am going to be 40 this year. 4. OH! Yep, it is true. Well, and not even really this "year." It is actually next month. And I am not a grumpy birthday girl. I'm really not. And this year as everyone else (mainly my parents, brother and younger husband) were all freaking out that I was going to be 40 I continued to insist it is really not a big deal. Puh-lease, it is just a number. Right? Well, as the days get a bit closer, I've been getting a bit more antsy. Kinda irritable. A little mid-life crisis-ish, one might say?

Well, my parents really wanted to get me a super-nice gift this year, and even though I kept thinking about how much I would LOVE and really NEED a DSLR to be a decent art director, parent and let's face it, creative human being, I couldn't stand the idea of how much those cameras cost. Think of everything you could have instead? And yet, I couldn't go one more day, right!?

Being that I am turning 40 it is obvious I grew up in the dark ages. And that means back when there were darkrooms. And yes, I spent quite a bit of time inside of one or two of those. I can still remember the sunny days lost spent inhaling chemicals in the darkness, with entire rolls of film underdeveloped and streaky, drippy photo paper highlighting every flaw in every photo shot. I know, I am supposed to say that's when I fell in love with photography, but it isn't. I never had the patience for the darkroom.

It was when I was out shooting that I loved photography. My dad would chauffer me from one Kansas City landmark to the next, sneaking down to the banks of the Missouri River, capturing one barge after another. Understanding composition, lighting, and mastering the techinicalities of my old Minolta...film and all.

So, it is fortunate for me that the new digital cameras have taken the dark room out of photography, and here I am, as of today, back in business! I am armed with my new camera, and I am ready to go! I can't wait to start creating, to get that piece of me back again. I hope to share my photos and what I hope I'll learn as I go.

I've been borrowing a very kind friend's DSLR for the past several weeks, and had a chance to get my feet wet. I already shared a couple of my Gracie photos here, but I will post them again: